It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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