I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
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I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
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50% drunk capacity currently
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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