It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
