I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No subtext here. People are naked.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
