I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This house was built for laser tag.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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