We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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