Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
