Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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