You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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