If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
