i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
