I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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