I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
