That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
