what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The struggles of a small town man whore
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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