i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
