I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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