Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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