He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
