I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
