if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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