I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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