soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
