I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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