Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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