I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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