the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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