I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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