apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
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What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
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Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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