Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
