it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
