Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i think i just lost a toe
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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