Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
