New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
