Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Vodka?
Forever.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
