would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
