i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
