Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
they need to just BURY HIM!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
