i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
