It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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