awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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