we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
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So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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