WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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