he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
