As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
