just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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