He kissed a someone with a penis
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
