Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
