its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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