...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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