Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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