i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
