it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
