He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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