I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
