just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas