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• (972): View more from Texas

  i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.

  (817): View more from Texas

  Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.

  (972): View more from Texas

  ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.

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• (518): View more from New York

  idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever

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  25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of

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• (925): View more from California

  He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...

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• (310): View more from California

  Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time

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  23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.

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• (607): View more from New York

  You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.

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