i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
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The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.