You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊