my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.