Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Randomize