I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Still dying that you shit outside
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?