yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.