I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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