"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
