why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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