The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
