So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
