OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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