Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I FOUND THE LEGS
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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