I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
