Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Your penis caused this!
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