My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
