how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
